Where I try to review The Old Republic

When I heard the news that Bioware was making my beloved Knights of the Old Republic RPG into an MMO, I was dubious but hopeful.  The trickle of press reports that reassured us that yes, yes, just as much effort was being put into the single player campaign as the MMO mechanics, and it would be just as satisfying.  And when the game came out, I read every review.  But each review hit me with disappointment, because they didn't tell me what I really wanted to know: What about us folks who don't care about MMOs, but just want Kotor 3?  I know diddly squat about MMOs, aside from maybe watching Felicia Day in The Guild.

So after a few weeks, I could take the suspense no longer. I decided to take one for the team, buy the game, and write that review myself.

Or rather, I tried to.  Here is a chronological list of my attempts to just download the game, let alone play it.  Honestly, you'd think this would be an easy thing for a company like EA to deal with.  If an idiot like me can do it, you guys can.

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2:10pm - Here we go. Biting the bullet and buying the game.  Happy belated holidays to me.

2:22pm - Still waiting for email confirmation.

2:31pm - Got an email saying my EA Master Account was ready, whatever that is.  I go to the site, give myself a username and password, and sniff around.  No download link or any way to get my game.  After clicking around a bit more, I finally see a button that says "My games" and dutifully click on it... only to see nothing listed.  There's another button called "Orders and Billing", so I click on that.  Aha!  There's something listed under "pending orders."  I click on it and see that my order has been "submitted and pending"  I guess the payment process takes a little longer at EA than at Wadjet Eye?  Eh, no problem.  I can wait.

3:35pm - One hour later.  No download link.  Okay, maybe there's something I am supposed to do myself.  I go to the Customer Support page and click through a bunch of items.  Apparantly there's some newfangled software manager called "Origin" that I have to use to get the game.  What, seriously?  I'm just getting the hang of Steam and now I have to have another software manager eating up my system memory? Bleh. Okay, fine. It was too late to back out now.  I dutifully click the download button and wait for it to install.

3:50pm - Origin is installed.  I open it up, enter my login info, and... nothing.  "No games detected for this account."  Okaay.   I check the "Orders and Billing" page on the Mastar Account site.  It still says pending. Getting a bit annoyed now. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but a customer coming to my store would have been playing their game for an hour by now.  But still. This is EA we're talking about, and one of the biggest games to hit the interwebs in a long time. I'll give it a bit more time.

4:10pm - Bam! Two hours after I paid, I get an email confirmation that I paid. Patience is rewarded.  "Downloadable products may be accessed by looking up your order."  I'll check the Master Account website first.  Hopefully I can bypass using that Origin manager completely. 

4:12pm - Um... it still says "Order pending" with no download link.  Right.  That's a no go.  I take another look at the confirmation email.  Waaaay at the bottom it says go to "www.swtor.com/redeem/game" and enter a code that's at the bottom of the email, and then I'll get download instructions.  Why does it tell me to do one thing and then another?  Meh, whatever.  Being a dutiful drone, I go to the website.  I enter my login info and the code.

4:13pm - LOGIN FAILED. @#$@#$@#.

4:20pm:- In trying this a few times, I notice a message at the top of the page that says "Log into your SWTOW account." I've been using my "EA Master Account" login, and now it's dawning on me that this is something entirely different. Welp, okay.  There's a little link that says "Create SWTOW account" so I'll click that and see if it works...

4:25pm - I created an official SWTOR account.  I click OK and this message pops up: "An email will be sent to the address you registered with shortly.  You must verify your address for your account to become active."  Sigh.  I go make some tea.

4:30pm - Email verification has arrived!  Not a bad turnaround. "To complete your registration and activate your account, simply verify your email address by clicking here."  I click here.  It asks for my login info and a new password.  I dutifully come up with one.

4:31pm - "Password must contain 1 uppercase letter, 1 lowercase letter and 1 number; must not use special characters."  Screw you game! I like this password.  Siiigh, fine. Have it your way...

4:32pm - "You have successfully validated your email address and completed the account registration process. Welcome to the Star Wars™: The Old Republic™ community.  Press OK to continue."  Hooray! I press OK to continue.

4:33pm - I have been redirected to www.swtor.com - the homepage for the game where I started this journey over two hours ago.  And... still no download link.  But.. aha!  I see a "login" link at the top.  Perhaps logging in with my spiffy new SWTOR username will let me get the game?

4:35pm - It's asking me for my security code. Ah, right! Duh.  I need to enter in that code that came with the email.  The one that I needed a SWTOR username in order to enter.  Which is why I made a SWTOR username in the first place. I enter the code.

4:36pm - "Sorry, we couldn't find your code. Try again?"  BLARGH AND DOUBLE BLARGH!

4:40pm - Okay.  The original confirmation email said I needed to redeem my game at "www.swtor.com/redeem/game" and enter my security code there.  Maybe if I enter my login and security code on that page it will magically work?

4:42pm - "Sorry, we couldn't find your code. Try again?"  Guess that's a no.  Lacking any other options, I leave the security code field blank and click OK.

4:43pm - I get another prompt to "Enter my security code, exactly as it appears" in my email. Um, didn't I already do that and you told me it wouldn't work?  Meh, whatever. I enter my code and I click OK.

4:46pm - "Congratulations! You are now registered for the following items: STAR WARS(TM): The Old Republic(TM) Digital Standard Edition.  Press OK to continue." Hooray again!  I press OK to continue.

4:47pm - "Get ready to play!  In order to play Star Wars™: The Old Republic™ you must first answer a series of security questions and provide your contact information."  Um, buh? Seriously? You know what? Fine. FINE! BRING IT ON! I'VE COME THIS FAR! I'M NOT GIVING UP NOW!

4:59pm - I finish the survey, hit OK, and come to a games page with this gorgeous sight:

I dutifully click that button.

5:10pm -

 
FINALLY.  Let's do this.

5:11pm -

I'm going to go cry now.

-Dave